Internal Struggle

The dam has broken
in the flood I now drown
Swimming for salvation
hating what I've become
Holding on so tightly
to what I think is right
knowing who I am
has ventured forth tonight
I cannot hide in shadows
when they are what I am
It's time to seek the right road
no matter where it goes
I give into the waters
breathing my last breath
no longer bound by chains
Dark and light collide
Swirling angrily around each other
fighting for domination
I am alive, switching from dark to light
Contradicting myself, struggling -
NO - Thriving. These two sides
are both me, the edges faded
so the boundries are no longer clear
I am neither dark nor light
Both reside inside, rising to the front
when the time is right

Seeking

Seeking in the darknesss
looking for the light
Running from my past
searching for what's right

Breathless I am flying
soaring through this life
done with all the crying
reborn again tonight

Awakened deep inside
feelings new are stirring
brought to me by you
the boundries now are blurring

I tell myself it's wrong
pretend that I don't care
act as if it's natural
life is so unfair

Like a predator that's stalking
the situation brings us closer
moving us towards danger
morals begin to blur

Now we dance in fire
trying to stay unburned
Passion keeps on growing
Lessons will be learned

Do we run to each other
or force ourselves apart
shall we follow life's rules
or those within our hearts?

The Burning

I stand alone, afraid
I am confused though seeing clearly
There is a craving deep inside of me
for something forbidden
I feel a secret thrill
each time I cave into my desire
not even caring that it makes the hunger grow
But I wonder, in moments of clarity
if this will save me or destroy me
Solitude has kept me captive
for far too long. I yearn to break free
Rigid walls hold my heart prisoner
walls that I built myself for safety
I'm feeling reckless, wild, and dark
I want the fire, the heat
even though I know the burn comes later
Set free I'll be uncontrollable
untamed ~ a challenge
Waiting for someone to capture me
To dominate and master me
I want to fight, biting and scratching
Until all the anger's gone
replaced with passion and lust
and I've found the one.

Possibility

The world so cold and harsh
laughs mockingly as it watches
We scurry about so intent
on finding something worth meaning
often settling for second best
Finding out too late that
what we were seeking
is still a possibility
We've become trapped
in a falsely gilded cage
We'll spend eternity
yearning for what could have been
Not knowing that it still could be
You just have to find the courage
to make the journey
To taste and see
if it's right for you
Take the first step, leave the safety
of the life you created
Answer your soul's beckoning
or spend forever wondering
what could have been

Desire

If I close my eyes
I can see you
think of you, dream of you
I can feel your touch
soft as a whisper
dancing across my skin
A lovers caress
I can imagine how it'd feel
our first embrace
the first passionate fires
lit inside both of us
Your voice softly calling my name
your teasing smile, your warmth
surrounding me, making me hot
So wild and needing
Yearning, moving towards the edge
until we both go crashing over
Satisfied, content to keep lingering
Unaware of the world passing by
This is what could be
if there was a you and me

PJ's Story

Sit down my child, pull a chair up near
and I'll tell you a story you'll want to hear
It's a tale of a lass, so bold and so true
Where she came from, none of us knew
One day she appeared as if from thin air
With a laugh so gleeful and firey red hair

Her golden eyes, they flickered and glowed
She was warm as summer and icy as snow
A rum drinking pirate, a wench through and through
She'd stomp on your foot if she saw fit to
At first she was so bouncy, loud, and rather rude
And more often than not, she'd be lewd and quite crude

But as time passed on, the days into weeks
her personality changed with many small tweaks
So subtle at first many did doubt her
that insults and mutes continued to shower
She knew though, that deep within
her patience and wisdom would surely win

Respect and friendship are what she sought the most
and it almost slipped through her fingers like a ghost
But she refused to give up and refused to give in
and found herself a clan to grow and mature in
This family, *TF*, did wonders for her alright
Accepting her the day after Christmas night

They gave her a home, friendship, and trust
to prove herself to all, she knew that she must
So she watched and learned from the best in the game
And sought out to earn herself a new name
No longer a noob, she grew to something much greater
A friend, a wife, a darn right okay player

Finally the day came, as she knew that it would
She had outgrown her Syrnian childhood.
Goodbyes were said to her family so dear
and she set out on a path, bright and clear.
To show the world what she'd learned here,
in a long, love filled, and happy year.

Her hopes were set high, she was so eager
to see how'd she'd do as a clan leader.
With a blink it was done and done right
the Society of unusual lives formed that night
With pride she looked at her own little clan
and sought out unusual players in the Syrnian land

Within days it was growing so fast
Now the only hope is that it'll last
It was built and built rather strong
A perfect fit, all the players belong
So surrounded by rum and all of her [Soul]s
now resides a happy, respected - PhoenixJewels

It Never Ends

Lead me now into the darkness
save me from myself
Your soul calls to mine
the longing never ends

I cry into the shadows
hiding from the light
this love is neverending
trandescending all of time

Lead me away from myself
the time left so short
nothing stops your beckoning
in loneliness I wait

Give me guidance from this fear
shelter me from the storm
it's too late for me now
I'm already lost in your eyes

Fate so cruelly laughs at me
holding back my salvation
I only want to know your love
please don't leave me in this life

The Longing

It weighs heavy in my heart
this knowledge that I have
that the sweet, aching longing
that lives in my soul
will never know fulfillment.
I can never be in your arms,
never know your touch,
never experience that first,
ever so sweet kiss of innocence.
We'll never share the passion,
the heat of each other, or
experience the other's embrace.
Lightning flashes between us,
powerful electrical charges
that travel from your eyes
all the way to mine.
Smiles rise so easily
Lingering, even long after
I stand all alone.
It is forbidden, this feeling
For you are another's, while I,
I am alone as Fate sees fit.
It is so cruel, so brutal-
having to look at you
and force myself to pretend;
Pretend that I don't care, that I
don't want you.
So I'll keep lying to myself
because it is the only way
I can save myself.

The Dark Light

The pounding of her heartbeat was so loud in her ears that she was sure that they would see here where she was crouched behind a box in the shadows. She held herself completely still, daring to only draw in slow deep breaths so that she made as little movement as possible. She knew that their eyesight was not only keen, but that they were the best trackers around. And they were after her. The tense seconds slid into minutes as they scanned the darkened alley. A cramp threatened her left calf muscle and she gritted her teeth, forcing her will to control the urge to shift into a more comfortable position. A warm gush of air swirled past her cheek, alerting her to the fact that they had left the alley. She kept poised silently, allowing a few more minutes to pass before she slowly stood and stretched out her aching muscles. The chase that had led her to this alley had been a long, agonizing one. They had stumbled upon her too quickly and she cursed herself for allowing her confidence fool her into thinking she couldn't be caught. Tonight's close cut just proved that she needed to be more wary and less egotistical.

With a quick glance around she edged toward the opening of the alley. Her footsteps were nearly silent as she slipped through the low mist that clung to the dirty cobblestones. Her nose twitched lightly as she took in a deep breath, the night air filling her senses with the smells of the city. She grimaced, the crowds and filth of the city never appealed to her, but her presence here at this time was of utmost importance. Straightening her heavy cloak, Sika Fyrven ventured down the road beside the alley to the Green Barrel tavern where her contact was waiting.

She shoved the heavy oak door open and allowed her eyes to adjust to the smoky, darkened atomsphere of the tavern. Sika noted that no one glanced her way, which was just fine by her. Apparently the clientel here relished their privacy enough to avoid curious glances at newcomers. It also helped that the establishment was a touch on the shady side, a spot frequented by those that dwelled in the underground dealings of the country's less than favorable citizens. In the far corner of the tavern, hunched over a mug of ale, was the man she was looking for. She walked over with more confidence than she felt and slid into the bench across from him.

He looked up from his drink and stared at her without saying a word. She studied him for a moment. His hair was as dark as the night, short and somewhat wild. His tan face revealed many hours spent outdoors, the tanness of his skin making his eyes startling. Amber eyes, clear and as keen as a hawk's glared back at her. The predatory resemblence to the hawk was only enhanced by the jagged scar that ran from just above his left eye to the middle of his cheek. His lips were pursed in a sneer of sorts and she wondered what he was thinking that made him look at her with such contempt.

"You're a long way from home...little girl." The gruff rumble of his voice cut through the dense noise and startled her. She stiffened and narrowed her eyes at him. "Both you and I know that this isn't where I belong nor wish to be. You know why I am here. Save us both the trouble and aggravation and leave if you aren't going to help." The sneer previously on his lips curved into an amused smile. "Little spitfire aren't we? Rather surprising considering who you are." Sika glared at him and refused to give him the satisfaction of responding to his taunt. "Daemian, I need to know that you are going to help me. " She fell silent, cursing her father for putting her in this position. Something about Daemian bothered her but she knew that he was the only option available at the time.

He leaned forward and after finishing off his drink, he looked around the tavern with a bored look. "I may as well assist you. It isn't as if I have anything better to do. I expect though, that you will do as I say, when I say without question, do you understand?" She nodded even though she wanted to argue about it, and they both stood. Daemian threw a few coins on the table and they left through the door in which she had entered. The night curled around them and she followed him to where the horses were tethered up. "I don't suppose you have your own horse?" She shook her head and he cursed lowly under his breath. "No, of course not. Oh well, we'll just take this one and hope that no one notices until the morning." He untied a brown gelding and handed her the reigns after she had mounted. "We'll ride until we reach the edge of Zanzer. We'll have to let the horses rest and gather some supplies. Keep your cloak tucked around you, we don't want anyone noticing...you. I take it that you have the map?" Had he glanced over his shoulder at her, he would of seen her gesturing at him in a very unladylike way. There was nothing wrong with her appearance. She had auburn hair interwoven with strands of gold, her skin was tan, not as dark as his, but her light amethyst eyes were a bit unusual. She knew however, that he was referring to the amber, green and amethyst wings which were currently tucked tightly under her cloak. It wasn't that winged people were truly that uncommon, but the fact that she was a Lunari that made the difference. "We'll look at the map tomorrow. Let's just put as much distance between us and this city." He nodded and they headed west out of K'alar towards the boundry between Zanzer and Darvenner.

Light vs. Dark

Cry into the night
No one hears
I still have
my midnight fears
Shadows of the darkness
that dance and leer
calling to you
enticing you over
will you answer their call?
Turning your back
on everything you love?
Will you betray
all that you know
just for the rush of power
promised to you?
Can you really trust
something you cannot touch?
These are the questions
swirling around me
hiding my path
And if I chose
what do I have to lose?
All that I am
and all that I know
will fade into the past
with light's bright glow.
"Settle into darkness
defy the light.
This is what is right"
whisper the ones
who wish to sway me.
And now I must decide
Join the shadows
or stay in the light?