To let you know

I can't tell you the thoughts I have inside

I just want to run and hide

Lost inside myself

Putting memories on a shelf

I stay away because I was told

In my soul there is love I hold

I can't be there for you right now

Wandering I wonder how

We can be apart like this

I miss your touch, your kiss

I know why you stay away

But I'm longing for that day

When you return to me

Hoping that's what is meant to be

There's nothing I can do

To prove myself to you

I just want what was

Please show me because

I feel I'm losing you

Don't want it to be true

Looking for answers to my question

And I forgot to mention

That I miss you

And love you too

Hoping you don't throw that away

Please don't walk away

I want you to choose me

There's something you need to see

A life that could happen for us

While I'm still earning your trust

I leave these final words with you

It's not up to me, it's up to you

Unknown

Words whispered softly in the night

Filled with pain, with fright

Will you understand what they mean?

It might not be what it seems

Wanting to let you know, let you hear

All the thoughts I hold dear

But I'm scared inside

Holding in what I hide

Can't see through all the tears

Fighting back all the fears

Left to wander all alone

Feelings yet to be shown

Giving all that I am

Leaving life to plan

Afraid to see what lies before

Could there be less or more?

Thinking what I know to be true

Wondering if I know who

Could release me from this cage

Just more words on a page

This story had no ending yet

Will there be joy or regret?

All I can see

Is who I would be

Something

I'm not strong, not beautiful

I'm not everything everyone needs

Who am I but another promise broken?

You say you want me, need me

Leave me standing there

And I'll wait because you want

Do you realize the depth

The magnitude of what is there?

Are you as lost as I am?

I give to you everything

And hold my breath

Waiting for you to accept

You need that time

That space to find yourself

And I give it to you

I've walked that path

Felt that pain

Encased in solitude and anguish

You don't have to do it alone

Don't have to hold the world yourself

Let me be part of that

Give me a chance

To walk beside you

To show you what love is

Here and now I say the words

I love you, always will

Let yourself be healed

Just for you

Wandering for so long, time has been lost

All the paths I've wandered, the roads I've crossed

Journeys ended and new ones began

All lead me to someone who ran

The walls that I built, toiled and sweated

Destroyed by you, no choices regretted

I don't deny my heart is only yours

For my ailments, only you hold the cure

I don't cry tears of sadness for time we shared

You showed me love, loyalty, that you cared

You breathed into me life so long denied

It's joy in those tears that I cried

It now comes down to eternal time

Walk the path, stay the line

Hold the faith, keep it close

That which matters most

 Time ticking softly in my ear

So it's only me that may hear

The whispers of promise it holds

Keeping back the bitter cold

Stay as you are the words say

Just as you were the first day

To you I can be nothing but true

If you'll wait, I'll wait too

So standing here in time I wait

By this lonely finishing gate

Eyes cast to the distant line

Waiting for the passing of time

My heart it longs for yours alone

Never seeking freedom to roam

The time it awaits shall it come

Is for two to finally be one

Journey

Through day and night you ride along

the roads of life from here to nowhere

Fighting endless battles internal

trying to find the way to the place 

that you want to call home

Wandering for so long

you don't know how to stop

Afraid to find what might be there

if finally you let yourself take a break

Always moving forward, never looking back

Giving yourself grief and never slack

You aren't alone, in this journey you take

but you asked to be let go

So I stood aside to watch you ride

further away from me

Though deep inside I break

I want to run after you

To call your name, to make you hear

Tears in the dark that you'll never see

Your name from my lips as I dream

Things I want to say but keep inside

Allowing you time to make your choice

I smile and say everything's fine

Because I don't want you to know the truth

I don't want to change your mind

Don't want to change your path

Standing here is where I'll wait

I'm scared inside, afraid to know

Will time take you away

or will the road bring you back?

I whisper to you at night, to tell you

I love you, I'll wait

I may not understand but I respect

You do what you must 

To become who you want to be

Not matter the choice you make

You'll always have with you

My love, my soul, my heart

 

Internal

Empty promises thrown aside
Come along for the ride
You whisper in my ear
Words I cannot hear

Strange the truth that I believe
Even as you turn to leave
Listening time and time again
Never does it seem to end

I'm not who I thought I was
And I don't what is the cause
Feeling so lost within
I just want to give in

Still something inside continues to fight
Trying to find the path that is right
Struggling to break free
That strength hidden within me

I want to believe things will fall into place
That this isn't a meaningless race
It's said that only time will tell it all
To take the flight or take the fall

So today it all begins anew
To wait until life gives you a cue
And from there it is your play
So come what may

Just something

Words formed in write
Easily twisted by sight
You don't hear the feeling
Too much in dealing

Time is never easy
Not for you and not for me
Things said not as
They were meant to be

Hindsight is indeed twenty twenty
Would the course have changed
Had those written words
Only been rearranged?

Some are told to be locked in ice
Not feeling...would that be nice
It is not who I am inside
To be otherwise is to have lied

I know your pain, it is mine as well
Healing is something time will tell
As I close my eyes tonight
The music takes me on flight

Down roads never ventured and those well worn
Time is an absence already torn
To reclaim this life I must
In beginning to learn to trust

Every life its very own
Its own web and flow
Seeds of hope grown
To where I don't know

It will all be revealed as it should
Given time something beautiful could
Be brought to life soon
Beneath a soft night's moon

Just Be

You are my light
and I your night
You're what I seek
what is right

But still we deny
Two souls torn by the past
Afraid of the blast

When two fires meet in a rush
They can burn brighter, stronger
Or fade to ash and appear no longer

Neither of us wants the walls to fall
To give it all is to lose it all
Finally taking that step forward
Leaving that protective ward

Standing there...alone, waiting...
Breath is lost as eyes seek
Will our two souls find and meet

Look beyond the shadows of the past
Push the fear aside
Just enjoy the ride

The beginning of something amazing
Through the stars be gazing
It's all written there if you only dare to look

Release those final chains
Drop away the burdened remains
And allow this to just....be

Reincarnation

Dreaming in the night
Passing thoughts of flight
A time past remembered
Awakened from its slumber

It challenges all I am
All I wish to be
Leaves me spinning endlessly
Trying to see

Something there I know
Hidden from my sight
Grounding me to earth
Denying me my flight

Struggling to break free
I wander aimlessly
Reaching for that memory
As it hides away from me

I know the day is coming
When past and present unite
Bound within no more
I again, begin my flight

The Looking Glass

Into the looking glass she goes
no longer seeing someone she knows

A stranger staring back at her
emotions prickling like a burr

She stabs away the happiness, the mad
along goes the joyful, the glad

Soon follows the fear, the sad
away all the emotions she had

She stabs yet again to take it all away
the love, the hatred, everything good, everything bad

Left behind is a shell that had been filled
with desires, dreams, wants, needs
never to be fulfilled

One final stab takes away the pain
never to hate, never to love again

She has become a perfect statue of cold
not filled with the longing of old

Bitterness, sorrow, joys washed away
standing there naked by night and by day

There is nothing in the marble girl now
some stand and wonder "how?"

She once stood in front of this glass
shattered, broken, always last

Raising her head with pride and dignity
forward she moved unshackled and free

With one final step she made her move
into the looking glass, forever removed

Flight

Sometimes the light, shines so bright
it hides all the things that just aren't right
A fading soul in a dizzying flight
Lost in the running from her plight

Her journey cold, the tears of old
ears bleeding from all the stories told
searching for someone to hold
should she dare to be so bold

It's always the same, the usual game
trying to look beyond a name
through the dredges of poverty and fame
is she truly too wild to tame?

Still every day, you'll hear her say
she's just trying to find her way
from where life has tossed her to lay
memories and dreams begin to fray

so here tonight, in the soft moonlight
she turns to face her greatest fright
to find and hold a new delight
to begin to love again she might

tonight it ends, her will it bends
she gives her love to her truest friends
for all of them to her heart attends
a shattered dream finally mends

she looks to the sky, with love in her eyes
and spreading her wings, she fills the skies
taking flight above the light
finally finding a love that is right

Storm

All I am is broken
not sure I can ever be fixed
Lost in a life I once knew
The light faded at the edges
I tremble in the cold
seeking the warmth
now denied to me
I thought I knew the way
Strongly I strode forward
Blinded by my ego
Thinking I am what I am not

I took off from all I knew
Chasing something that didn't want me
Mocked for who I am
When all was taken
when I laid there in pieces
drained of everything
I was left alone again

I'm done bleeding, done crying
I have nothing left inside to give
and no will to take it back
I want to feel angry
I want to explode with rage
but there is nothing but stillness
a barren land, devoid of even
the echos of the past
Where has that fire gone?
The Spirit that flew so freely?

You walk through, looking for what you knew
Trying to find that memory
beneath your feet lay broken shards
the only remnants
of that Spirit that prevailed
So little left...I am unrecognizable
I want to say stay...
You want me to believe
that the past could be reborn

I stand listening to echos
watching memories drift past
I reach out trying to grasp them
feeling them slip through my fingers like mist
I am fallen, sobbing, crying out
All I hear is whispers of a time that may never be again

I will travel through this barren land
An outcast among none
And I will find refuge in solace forsaken
I am shifted, changed and I will learn me
I ask of nothing, I take nothing
Call me as you will

I'll weather this storm
not as I have in the past
No, this time I will
Stand, stripped of all, taking the fury
Eyes closed I am feeling
tears of rain, wind of sorrow, thunder of pain
And begin again, not as me, but new

After it all

Forced solitude
A dream shattered
Seemingly beyond repair
The light lost again
Forward brought despair
Two hearts aching
Pain bleeding forth
Coiling over the edges
Blurring all that is known

Emotions run rampant
Chaotic in their freedom
Twisting things said
Bringing nothing more
I seek a way to say
What is deep inside
hidden now by darkness
A place I cannot find

It is safe there
In that little hidden spot
Protected by its fragility
The shining moment of us
I don't want to lose it
But your voice is so far away
Blinded by the tears
streaming down my soul

I don't know how to right the wrong
caused by confusion
Words so freely given before
hide from me tonight
I know what I want to say
but it doesn't come out that way
It only makes it worse
and I'm losing all I have

I want to run away
find solace from this anguish
I want to run to you
to feel your embrace again
But coldness I have dealt you
In response to pain I was given
Such is the way, when two fires meet

Clashing of things so strong
virulent in their passion
consuming each other rapidly
until one is not one, not two, but one...
The line does not exist...but it does?
I'm lost without you
I'm lost within you
I'm lost...

Through the anger, the pain, the confusion, the hurt
through the words, the tears, the fears...
deep beneath it all, deep within me
always, as I have said, you are
You taught me a way, to say something
a way to make it known
and though you may not believe it
for you, here, I will leave it
Ik hou van jou schatje

Phoenix

Fire, once so weak...flickering...barely alive...
coming to surface, born again in a heat of rage and passion
burst forth to consume, nothing lives in agony,
that which is burned away to purity.

I gave everything I have, to one I thought deserving
You have destroyed it...without care
Sat there laughing like a king
High on your throne you looked down upon me
Acting as if you are above me

Push me into the ground if you must
let that power be yours
but you have nothing over me
You may have broken a part
Stealing away the love I gave so freely
Twisting it to your sick needs
Throwing it in my face when done

You can say it is my fault
blame me for it all
say it is nothing but me
but everyone knows the truth
You can lie to their faces
but you are more see through than the mist

Play your little games
Have fun while you can
Karma is a bitch, fool
and you'll burn in the end

Fuck you and your little ways
The lies you caught me with
You played a good game
And you think you won

I am stronger than you, and what you think you've done
Take what you were given and fuck off
Because tonight, I am more than you ever will know
I am always able to survive, it's who I am
I am the fires of rage, passion, justice
I am life, death...and yes, I am love

I am eternal, I am Phoenix

Destiny

Millions of miles could not part
The love I feel within my heart
A test of time this is true
Until the days of me and you
Sadness fills my very life
To know you feel the strife
To hold you in my arms I would
To make you feel as you should
Through time we will fight
To be together in the light
To some, madness it could be
To us, our life, our destiny

Heart

I'm always in the crowd
Lost and confused
Looking for a way out
And there's none to be seen
The world spinning around me
While I'm trying to stay put

Above the noise comes your voice
Calling out to me
I turn and my eyes find yours
And the whole world stops
It drops away, leaving you and me
There is passion never felt before
In a single touch from you

I question if this is reality
Or a dream
I want you to be my soul
I need your light
You've made me something more
Than I could have ever been
And I don't want it to end

I'll hold on to these moments
For times when we're apart
Memories that will linger
Deep within my heart
You are my truth, my life, my soul mate
And I've lost all ways to tell you

You've stolen my sanity
But filled me with life
I was waiting for you
And now fate has driven us together
Our story forever in the stars

For my love

In my heart is a deep aching
For a touch I cannot feel
The only thing that keeps me sane
Is the voice that I can hear
It calls out to my soul
And brings awake my life
Taking me to the heavens
So I can touch the light
I can image your caresses
The taste of your kiss
I almost feel your embrace
And it brings me to my knees
A love that reaches from far away
With words whispered in the night
I dance through the day
Knowing that in the future
We may be together
Before the falling light

Stand alone in the shadows
Give in to the night
Flee from the past
Hide from the light

Running so swiftly
Heart pounding loud
Life chasing quickly
Lost in the crowd

Eyes searching over
Seeking some deep need
Mind clouded, confused
Doubt being a planted seed

Fear is controlling her
Demanding she listen
Like a wilted flower
Sorrowful tears glisten

A soft voice will whisper
Fighting through the noise
I will save all within her
You only have to make the choice

The Last

Within a shattered heart
was one tiny untouched piece
One last perfect crystal shard

She held it so close, so tight
protecting it from everything
the good, the bad, the right

You stole into her lonely life
with a smile, with grace
and brought with you your knife

You saw the shard, so clean and clear
and picked it up, looking at it
taking it from the one who held it dear

She wonders if you smiled and laughed
when you broke the shard, her heart
Ripping her into many halves

A single stab was all it took
to destroy all she had
Her life crumbling as she shook

Get up you said, stand tall and proud
be glad of this thing I did
Your words echoing loud

She sat and waited for something good
some reason why
to stand as she should

Her tears cried out, dry and wasted
together she pulled herself
to stand and face it

Break her spirit, break her will
take her heart, take her life
forever survive she will

Unforeseen

Like a craving it struck hard and fast
Engulfed in his presence, I groaned
He was both pain and pleasure
Taunting me while he saved me

The cruelty of his eyes bit through me
Slicing to my core
Even as I stared hungrily at him
He was poison, I knew this, I felt it
But I drew closer anyway

He stared at me with such hatred
It both shocked and aroused me
His touch lingered on my arm
Gentle...and I realized he hated himself too
I was the problem, the solution, the complication

Neither of us liked the other
But we needed each other
Like fire needs air
We clung greedily together
Even while shoving the other away

We could not exist together, nor apart
Our hearts the same yet opposite
Freaks of nature...destined and denied
Yearning sears me still and I burn
Just as I know he is