The Longing

It weighs heavy in my heart
this knowledge that I have
that the sweet, aching longing
that lives in my soul
will never know fulfillment.
I can never be in your arms,
never know your touch,
never experience that first,
ever so sweet kiss of innocence.
We'll never share the passion,
the heat of each other, or
experience the other's embrace.
Lightning flashes between us,
powerful electrical charges
that travel from your eyes
all the way to mine.
Smiles rise so easily
Lingering, even long after
I stand all alone.
It is forbidden, this feeling
For you are another's, while I,
I am alone as Fate sees fit.
It is so cruel, so brutal-
having to look at you
and force myself to pretend;
Pretend that I don't care, that I
don't want you.
So I'll keep lying to myself
because it is the only way
I can save myself.

The Dark Light

The pounding of her heartbeat was so loud in her ears that she was sure that they would see here where she was crouched behind a box in the shadows. She held herself completely still, daring to only draw in slow deep breaths so that she made as little movement as possible. She knew that their eyesight was not only keen, but that they were the best trackers around. And they were after her. The tense seconds slid into minutes as they scanned the darkened alley. A cramp threatened her left calf muscle and she gritted her teeth, forcing her will to control the urge to shift into a more comfortable position. A warm gush of air swirled past her cheek, alerting her to the fact that they had left the alley. She kept poised silently, allowing a few more minutes to pass before she slowly stood and stretched out her aching muscles. The chase that had led her to this alley had been a long, agonizing one. They had stumbled upon her too quickly and she cursed herself for allowing her confidence fool her into thinking she couldn't be caught. Tonight's close cut just proved that she needed to be more wary and less egotistical.

With a quick glance around she edged toward the opening of the alley. Her footsteps were nearly silent as she slipped through the low mist that clung to the dirty cobblestones. Her nose twitched lightly as she took in a deep breath, the night air filling her senses with the smells of the city. She grimaced, the crowds and filth of the city never appealed to her, but her presence here at this time was of utmost importance. Straightening her heavy cloak, Sika Fyrven ventured down the road beside the alley to the Green Barrel tavern where her contact was waiting.

She shoved the heavy oak door open and allowed her eyes to adjust to the smoky, darkened atomsphere of the tavern. Sika noted that no one glanced her way, which was just fine by her. Apparently the clientel here relished their privacy enough to avoid curious glances at newcomers. It also helped that the establishment was a touch on the shady side, a spot frequented by those that dwelled in the underground dealings of the country's less than favorable citizens. In the far corner of the tavern, hunched over a mug of ale, was the man she was looking for. She walked over with more confidence than she felt and slid into the bench across from him.

He looked up from his drink and stared at her without saying a word. She studied him for a moment. His hair was as dark as the night, short and somewhat wild. His tan face revealed many hours spent outdoors, the tanness of his skin making his eyes startling. Amber eyes, clear and as keen as a hawk's glared back at her. The predatory resemblence to the hawk was only enhanced by the jagged scar that ran from just above his left eye to the middle of his cheek. His lips were pursed in a sneer of sorts and she wondered what he was thinking that made him look at her with such contempt.

"You're a long way from home...little girl." The gruff rumble of his voice cut through the dense noise and startled her. She stiffened and narrowed her eyes at him. "Both you and I know that this isn't where I belong nor wish to be. You know why I am here. Save us both the trouble and aggravation and leave if you aren't going to help." The sneer previously on his lips curved into an amused smile. "Little spitfire aren't we? Rather surprising considering who you are." Sika glared at him and refused to give him the satisfaction of responding to his taunt. "Daemian, I need to know that you are going to help me. " She fell silent, cursing her father for putting her in this position. Something about Daemian bothered her but she knew that he was the only option available at the time.

He leaned forward and after finishing off his drink, he looked around the tavern with a bored look. "I may as well assist you. It isn't as if I have anything better to do. I expect though, that you will do as I say, when I say without question, do you understand?" She nodded even though she wanted to argue about it, and they both stood. Daemian threw a few coins on the table and they left through the door in which she had entered. The night curled around them and she followed him to where the horses were tethered up. "I don't suppose you have your own horse?" She shook her head and he cursed lowly under his breath. "No, of course not. Oh well, we'll just take this one and hope that no one notices until the morning." He untied a brown gelding and handed her the reigns after she had mounted. "We'll ride until we reach the edge of Zanzer. We'll have to let the horses rest and gather some supplies. Keep your cloak tucked around you, we don't want anyone noticing...you. I take it that you have the map?" Had he glanced over his shoulder at her, he would of seen her gesturing at him in a very unladylike way. There was nothing wrong with her appearance. She had auburn hair interwoven with strands of gold, her skin was tan, not as dark as his, but her light amethyst eyes were a bit unusual. She knew however, that he was referring to the amber, green and amethyst wings which were currently tucked tightly under her cloak. It wasn't that winged people were truly that uncommon, but the fact that she was a Lunari that made the difference. "We'll look at the map tomorrow. Let's just put as much distance between us and this city." He nodded and they headed west out of K'alar towards the boundry between Zanzer and Darvenner.

Light vs. Dark

Cry into the night
No one hears
I still have
my midnight fears
Shadows of the darkness
that dance and leer
calling to you
enticing you over
will you answer their call?
Turning your back
on everything you love?
Will you betray
all that you know
just for the rush of power
promised to you?
Can you really trust
something you cannot touch?
These are the questions
swirling around me
hiding my path
And if I chose
what do I have to lose?
All that I am
and all that I know
will fade into the past
with light's bright glow.
"Settle into darkness
defy the light.
This is what is right"
whisper the ones
who wish to sway me.
And now I must decide
Join the shadows
or stay in the light?

My prayer

Do you ever feel
as though life isn't real?
Like you need to be
something you can't see?
Like somehow deep inside
is something you need to hide.

I am too often not real
and I hate the way I feel.
I can no longer pretend
that I've reached the end.
My journey has just begun
and I'm coming undone.

I no longer know the real me
or who I am destined to be.
This confusion clouds my mind
and threatens to leave me behind.
I don't want to feel like this,
yearning for a lover's kiss.

I'm not sure where I am to go,
who will be there, who I will know.
Please give me some hope,
so I may learn to cope.
I need to find myself again
and allow my heart to mend.

Clear my thoughts and guide my dreams,
make things become as they seem.
Don't leave me alone in this place,
give me strength and give me grace.
Free my soul and free my mind,
bring me peace this time.

With these final words I part,
guide my life, guide my heart.
To complete my task,
this is all I ask.
Let me live and let me die,
reborn even as I cry.

Meant

By the warm firelight
I find a new delight
Someone with words like mine
Another keeper of the rhyme
Another master of the lyrics
Bringing his own wordy tricks
A seer into my very soul
And I wonder at what toll
What will be the cost I pay
For this wondrous day?
Have I found my other half
The one to make me laugh?
To share with me my fears
while we comfort each other's tears?
I know not what the future brings
but I hope for many happy things
A silence of the internal screams
fulfillment of my dreams
And so I shall wait and see
If you are meant for me

Fool

I'm a fool
for wanting you
craving you like
an addiction
an ache deep inside
I can't hide from it
I don't want to and yet
I run, because I'm scared
because I care.
Because it is too soon
I don't want to lose
but can I ever really win?
These feelings,
I didn't ask for them
I told myself no,
not again, not now
never again
but I have no control
and now I hide from you
Showing you more of me
than others have ever seen
I am a fool
for thinking you cannot see
I will not say it,
I will deny it
I am not falling...
I am a fool.

Believe

Twisted noises of the night
stealing away my sanity
Why can't I reach you?
Where is the light?
Take me away, make me free
fill this void deep within
make me believe

I can't see, can't feel you
darkness snakes around
creeping through the shadows
making me unreal, unfeeling
stand beside me now
make me whole
break me free
make me believe

Conquer all the shadows
break all the bars
to the cage that holds me within
keep away the sorrows, the tears
of the blackest nights
Take me away, make me free
fill this void, deep within
make me believe

make me believe

Addiction

You came into my life
so suddenly, so quickly
I had no time to react
You stole my sanity
Stole my heart, stole my freedom
You have become an addiction
a craving I can never satisfy
a need that will never go away
I hate needing you like this
wanting you all the time
my addiction, my desire
the darkest fire inside me
Burning so brightly
consuming me with this
awe inspiring rage, a power
like nothing before
You've taken over me
I'm lost to myself
lost in my addiction to you
never knowing if
one day you'll leave me
vanishing forever
leaving me with an eternal
desire for you
a hunger that will
never be filled
you have become
my addiction

The Birth of Ice

I opened my eyes, and saw only darkness
I was filled with such coldness, such rage
it snaked around my warm heart
encasing it in ice as it froze it
locking it away from pain
The blissful feeling of peace and serenity
filled me as I now know, I can be hurt
no more, no longer a victim to your smile
no longer weak to your touch
you have become nothing to me
and I will remember you no more
A cynical smile touched my lips
as I felt myself become Reborn
a creature of the night
a dark soul among shadows
the Frozen among the Living
words are nothing more
than irrelevant thoughts I have no use for
solitude embraces me completely
welcoming me into its ranks
I have become Accepted among the Rejected
for I have witnessed, participated in,
the birth of Ice, the welcoming kiss of coldness
I no longer need anyone or anything
that has not been touched by the Ice
Pain no more, tears of crystal
blood solid in its entrapment between
sheets of Ice, the Reckoning, the Dawning
the embrace-lust, desire, eternal fire
I, the witness
I, the chosen
to the Birth of Ice

The death of love

I try to hate you
but I cannot
I try not to love you
but I cannot
These feelings inside
reside, prevail
consuming me
like a wildfire
You turned away from me
leaving me standing alone
and I felt pain
like never before
It ached, deep within
drowning out reality
and locking me in cold misery
I cried tonight
tears of sorrow
and felt my heart break
Raggedly, into pieces
you didn't even say goodbye
you don't even care
and now I know the true you
I saw your face
before I died
and heard your laughter
mocking me as I went
so now I'm gone
forever away from you,
facing the death of love
I slipped into the darkness